Life is full of surprises

I realized this week that I have no control of what can happen. Peter and I were talking about the baby and how well the pregnancy had been going. Wasn't throwing up anymore and when I got back from Europe we could find out the sex of the baby! Monday there was a little blood, and some cramping. Luckily I had my sixteen week appointment Tuesday morning.

I walk into the room and cute Peter is there waiting for me just in case. We tell the doctor about the previous night and she doesnt seem to concerned, which calms me down. She did a pelvic exam and all looked fine. She starts talking about getting ultrasound to find out the baby's sex. Then she gets her little ultra sound out and she looked concerned the baby was only measuring 12weeks. I knew instantly that the baby was gone. She sent us over to get the big time ultrasound and the same thing. The doctors were all saying sorry, and the entire room was spinning around me. She scheduled us for a DNC on Friday, and sent us on our way. The next day my body decided it didn't want to wait for Friday I started the labor process. I dropped the kids off at my sweet sister Savannas house and went to the hospital. It was a fast process. I got into the hospital, into the gown, and the then the iv was put into my hand. The nurse sends peter and I up to meet with the anesthesiologist to ask questions the RN comes and says they are ready. They put something in m iv to take the edge off I said goodbye to Peter and then the next thing I know I am in the recovery room. It was fast and painless. Cute Peter was there waiting for me and sat by my side feeding me ice chips and cranberry sprite. He is an amazing guy.

I had no idea that in just two days I was not going to be pregnant anymore. The hardest was that I was really hoping to have the DNC and then move on. Amazingly it just doesn't work that way. I am fine mostly throughout the day but then there are moments of total breakdown. The tears flow like crazy and I cant believe that this happened to me. I was getting all the ideas of what I would do to the babies room if it were a boy and the blanket I'd make, the same if it was a girl what colors to put in the blanket. But I have to turn that part of my brain off. I feel complete sorrow for the loss and am terrified that we can try again in four weeks! What if it happens again, what if I am not strong as I was this time. I really hope that this was a one time thing.

I know my Heavenly Father is watching over me and I know that this cute baby has work to do. I love my baby and I can't wait till we can all be a family together again. I am so thankful for my sweet girls that I know were aware of the situation and saddened by the loss of a sibling. They bring so much joy in my life and I am so glad that they could be such great little buddies! Thank you Peter for being the love of my life and knowing what to say and do to show your love for me and the girls! I love you with all of my heart!

Thank you Savanna for helping me with my girls, cleaning my house and for being there for me when I needed to cry and get a hug. You are the best. Thank you to Marisa, Alecia, Kara, McSean, Christian, mom and dad and my in-laws for the calls, flowers prayers and support! I am so blessed to have you all in my life! Thank you